I have had writer's block. Badly. That is why I have not written. It was so bad that I could not even write an essay because I could not put my words together the way I wanted to. Now I am getting back to writing again which feels great. It is a big release.

I love my children so much. What would life be without them? It seems to me that before they were born I could not picture myself having children but now that they are here I cannot remember my past without them. Even when I think of my own childhood memories I always think that somehow they were a part of them but then I remember that they indeed were not. How crazy life is.

I try to remain calm with my children, I hate to lose my temper, which I have avoided doing but one or two times. I want them to know that I am here to support them & that they can turn to me when they need me & not have to worry about me totally flipping out or losing control of myself. It's hard at times, like I want to rip my hair out & just scream but I want them to have a life better than the one of my own & that is what keeps me going. Kallista also is really calm with the children. Sometimes she tends to get on her last nerve but the most she ever does is just sit there & give her "evil look" which in my opinion is one I would not want to get. It actually is pretty frightening. It makes you want to dunk back into your shell, if you had one.